Getting to the Heart of Discipline

Discipline is defined as the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior.  

I've been doing a lot of thinking about discipline.  My pursuit to achieve effective discipline started with Taegan in mind, trying to find a form of discipline that I believed in and that worked.  I'm worn out from all the failed attempts at getting her to obey me, most which have left us both frustrated and little accomplished. Now that Silas is 18 months old and starting to mimic her behavior I feel a sense of urgency in getting to the heart of our problem.

However, not far into my research God spoke to my heart and I became convicted about my own self discipline and obedience or lack there of at times.

Over the past week I have started eating healthier, avoiding sweets and processed foods, and it's not easy.  It takes a lot of self control and discipline.  I have to be conscious of what I put into my mouth throughout the day because these healthy habits don't come natural to me right now.  I know that by practicing this discipline I'll lose weight, feel better, and be healthier but it's still hard.  Discipline is not fun but the results are worth the effort.

There are lots of things that I have to do that are hard and not fun, but worth it.

Teaching my children discipline is hard, it's not fun...but it's worth it because it makes them godly.

To train someone on something we have to be knowledgable on it ourselves.  Our children are little sponges (like I've said many times before) they soak up not only our words but our actions.  It is important that I practice discipline and with a joyful heart if I want my children to reflect that as well.  "Do as I say not as I do?" Is a powerless statement.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been."  - Hebrews 12:11

These are some of the notes I jotted down over the last few days as I've been praying and thinking about discipline...

• Kindness leads to repentance, wrath does not.  We don't repent because we fear God's wrath, we repent because we know He is a kind, loving God and we want to do what is right and pleasing to Him.  This is true for our children too.  You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar! 
• My goal in discipline isn't to just change the behavior but to reach my children's heart.  If I get to their heart, I can change the future not just the moment.  I was reminded of Brandon Heath's song "Give me your eyes." The song talks about how if we saw the world through God's eyes it would change our outlook.  If I stop and think about how a situation looks through my child's eyes, would I feel differently?  Would I be gentler?  
• The motive of my discipline should be to express love.  After all, I discipline my children because I love them.  When I think about children who aren't loved, who don't have parents that are engagement and invested in them...those children aren't disciplined.  Hebrews 12:6 says "because the Lord disciplines those he loves..."
• Punishment focuses on the past behaviors, harvests feelings of fear and guilt, and is often done out of frustration.  While discipline focuses on future behavior, harvests feelings of security, and is done out of love.  While punishment is necessary at times, as parents our focus should be on teaching discipline and not obsessing over the punishment.
• None of us want justice in the sense of God giving us what we deserve.  "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."(Lamentations 3:22-23) Am I giving my children the same mercy and grace?  If not, I should be, because they give it to me. 

Raising children is HARD.  Teaching them discipline is HARD...but it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace.  I have to be aware of my responses to all of their actions.  Instead of automatically reacting I have to process my response because my natural reaction to their disobedience is frustration. 

*Disclaimer* 

All of my blog post are honest and from my heart.  I love my children dearly and I desperately try to do my very best for them but I often fail.  I am not perfect and never proclaim to be.  These are my goals, I don't always achieve them but if you never set goals you'll never know if you've achieved them or even where to aim.