My Take On...Positive Parenting

A few weeks ago I had a epiphany as I was scrolling through Pinterest, that actually happens frequently, but this one was a bit deeper than re-organizing my pantry or making my own laundry detergent.  I was trying to control my 3 years old's negative behavior by drawing more attention to her negative behavior.  And guess what...it wasn't working?  Time Out...was not working.  Taking things away...was not working.  Getting stern with her...was not working.  

My life was a constant power struggle with a toddler and most days I felt like I was losing!

My Mom actually found this idea on Pinterest, pinned it and told me to check it out.  The original pin showed a glass fish bowl with the words "Caught You Being Good" on it and the concept was you put a cotton ball, marble, or anything you want in the bowl every time you catch the child being good. Once the child fills the bowl up they get a special treat. 

I liked this idea and was planning to make a "Caught You Being Good" bowl soon.  The next morning started off terrible so right after breakfast I got creative, and made this "Happy Jar" with things we had at the house.  Taegan is so smart and talks about feelings often.  She can draw a happy face, sad face, crying face, mad face, and surprised face. So I thought calling our jar a "Happy Jar" was perfect, since it had a happy face on it (and I was really praying it would lead to more happy faces around our house).  

I explained to her what the jar was and that when she listens, uses her manners, and doesn't argue or fuss when we ask her to do something she could put a cotton ball in the jar and when the jar was full she could have a special treat.  Taegan immediately said "Can I go back to gymnastics?" We haven't been to gymnastic since last spring and she loved it so I agreed.  

I immediately saw a difference in Taegan's behavior.  She was so excited and proud of herself when she got to put another cotton ball in her jar.

{Disclaimer - we still have meltdowns and times when she does not listen the first second third time I ask her to do something but I can usually remind her about the "Happy Jar" and get things back on track.  As a Mom there are plenty of days I start off feeling like Mary Poppins and end the day feeling like Cruella De Vil but I try, really hard, and being a Mom is a tough job.  All Moms need to remember to give themselves grace when it comes to parenting.}

These are a few of the things I have discovered can easily "fix" a bad mood, stop a melt down in it's tracks, and turn a frown upside down at our house.  

• A Hug - It sounds simple and it really is that simple.  When Taegan is having a melt down or getting really upset about something you can fuss at her and talk all you want to but you won't accomplish anything.  So instead I have stopped talking when I notice her getting really worked up and pick her up (sometimes she is screaming and crying) and hug her.  So far it has worked 100% of the time, she will stop crying and hug me back.  I just stand or sit there and hug her until she lets go and when I put her down it is like I've hit the reset button.  A lot of the times when she's having a melt down and upset she wants attention and by hugging her I'm giving her that attention without her having to act out. 
• Get Outside - Sometimes I think we just get "cabin fever" or bored and getting outside (if it's pretty) even if she doesn't want to go at first usually helps change her mood.  We all need fresh air!
• Build A Fort - When we can't go outside because of the weather doing something we don't always do like building a fort, letting her have a tea party with real tea, or something special helps turn her bad mood around.  I'm not rewarding the bad behavior just distracting or redirecting her attention.  Like I said before a lot of the time when she's misbehaving she just wants attention so giving her attention stops the bad behavior she was using to get attention. 
• Food - Taegan is really sensitive to her blood sugar dropping (Mommy diagnosed, this is what happens when your Mom is a nurse) when she gets hungry she gets irritable.  Really we all get pretty cranky when we're hungry but Taegan won't usually ask for food so I've learned to offer her a snack as soon as I notice this behavior before it esclates. 
• Stay Calm - This is a tough one for me but I have seen a big difference in her response if I stay calm.  If my mood escalates so does her mood.  She is constantly observing my behavior when she misbehaves and if I raise my voice at all or "use my mad voice" as Taegan referred to my stern voice things seem to take a downward spiral.  My goal is to parent with love and grace, to show my children God's love through my actions and Taegan will definitely call me out if she notices me getting frustrated or angry.

Taegan can be so...sweet, helpful, and obedient when she wants too!  Just the other day she randomly looked me in the eyes and said "Mommy, you're a good Mom."  Melted my heart!  I am not trying to make her out as a little terror but in the past few months we have definitely started experiencing some challenges that have taken some trial and error to work through.  

Like everything in motherhood, this too shall pass...